My Empty Carriage

« »

October 1,2010 Remembering When

It has been quite a long time since my last entry. Life has taken over and left me zero brain cells for my writing. Recently I have been going through the journey of infertility with someone who is very very dear to me. It brings back all the old feelings of feeling helpless and out of control. I remember like it was yesterday when one of my sisters got pregnant when I was knee deep in my infertility struggle.
I wrote a poem about it that I have never let anyone see. I thought this would be a great time to put it out there.
I feel like my sister has been stalking me for days. She is always here now, when before I never saw her at this house. She has a guilty look in her eyes but I have no idea what it is. I hear her whispering something to my little sister. I hear my name and “did you tell her?” I wonder if it is a surprise party that they are planning for me? But how could they be it is December and my birthday is in May. Something is in the air but I truly have no idea what? It’s Thanksgiving and my sister slips into our bedroom at night as we lie watching “Friends.” Something is on her lips but I ask her to please be quiet. She skulks out. I feel bad but I don’t care. And then she’s back with her husband waiting for me at the house. They won’t leave. I feel trapped by them. Why won’t they go home and leave me alone. I slowly walk home praying that they will not be there when I open the door. I see her new prada bag. She is here waiting for me. I say hello and she follows me to my room. There is a strange look on her face. “There is something that I need to talk to you about.” I can see the gravity of the situation. I ask her if we can talk another day because I am having a really emotionally bad day. She shakes her head not through the smile that sneaks through her lips. I ask her if she can e-mail me the news. Again she shakes her head no and say’s “ I think you know what this is about.” My mind races. Do I? How can I? Then it all hits me. “ You’re pregnant.” She shakes her head yes. Time seems to stop and the room seems to spin. I hold back my tears and smile through my rage and sadness. Congratulations.

4 Responses to “October 1,2010 Remembering When”

  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Clo, Claudia Bates. Claudia Bates said: RT @ICantWait2MeetU October 1,2010 Remembering When […]

  2. Great writing, I have been looking for that???

  3. Claudia says:

    Thanks so much for your positive words.

  4. Strange this post is totaly unrelated to what I was searching google for, but it was listed on the first page. I guess your doing something right if Google likes you enough to put you on the first page of a non related search.

Leave a Reply